CHRISTMUSTACHE!!

Yes, the mayor has hit us with a sizable pay cut. Yes, he wants to take even more of our pay and cut back our department. And yes, he is trying to demonize us in the media by laying the blame of any layoffs to non-union people on us. But like the Whos in Whoville, we are not to be deterred by his grinchiness, because we know that Christmas means something more. The true meaning of the yuletide holiday is of course -- a mustache contest. Quite simply, everyone had to shave when we worked the day before Thanksgiving and then has until our duty day on Dec. 23rd to grow the best possible mustache. Points will be given not just for fullness and thickness, but also on over all style, and difficulty points are factored in since people have holiday pictures and parties where they must be seen with these atrocious lip sweaters. We feel that if all are honest, a clear winner will be easily agreed upon. Of the 11 members in our house, 9 are in on it. Of the other 2: one has his testicles kept in his wife's purse and either did not receive or would not even ask permission, and the other chooses to self-ostracize himself at all times so this is no exception. 9 is pretty good though, and we have already attracted much attention around the department. We are hoping that this will become a department wide holiday tradition in years to come.